the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
