I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
