Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
