oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
