I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
