And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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