I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
