So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
