There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
