mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize