I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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