I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
