that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
