I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize