As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
