I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He passed out mid-signature
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize