Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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