You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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