I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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