I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
