I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
