I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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