things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
