i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
