I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
