im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
