I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
