You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
