Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
