In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
