so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
