Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
