when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do herpes really smell.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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