I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
