Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
