Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
