he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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