We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
