If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
