o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
