I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
