my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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