my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
