wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
