I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
