I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
