its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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