so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
