I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize