have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
