My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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