you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
