He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
