so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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