I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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