I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
