You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
