Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
