she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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