i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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