my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will pee on everything he values.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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