I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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