My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The struggles of a small town man whore
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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