24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
