I hate all girls vehemently.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
