Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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