You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
