Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
