There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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