I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
