So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
