And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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