I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm drive I can fine osifer
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
