my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
