You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
