I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
