He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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