i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
