i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
