dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
