my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
