Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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