He is an equal opportunity slut.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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